How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I stole a fireplace last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
