Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
