What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
