dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bring me that man meat
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
