Where did you get a picture of my penis
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
