We're like a lot better than the average bears
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
