and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
