Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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