pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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