I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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