the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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