the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why do cheetos always look like penises
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize