i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
