i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
