I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize