An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
