i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
