Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it penis luge time yet?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
