here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
