Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
