I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
