I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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