And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
