Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
