A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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