i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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