I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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