just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
