I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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