I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
