dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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