glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize