Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
