Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
