shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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