I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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