After last night, I could never be a politician.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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