Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
