My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
