he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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