My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
