I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
