Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
