i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
