You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
