I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
