Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
