Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize