just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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