about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize