God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
