Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just invented taco cereal.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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