It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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