nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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