Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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