Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
