Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
