I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That was an excessively violent trivia night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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