...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
