so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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