ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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