New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
