You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
