Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
