In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
