i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
