people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
