I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
