Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
