Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
