You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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