Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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