but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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