who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
