Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
