I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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